A Nicholas Sparks film in one scene:

Girl: “I’m very rich and very good and I am very talented, in this case, at dance”

Boy: “How weird, I’m the complete opposite”

Girl: “I’d like to rebel a bit I think”

Boy: “Maybe as we rebel in our own gentle way we might fall in love”

Girl: “Oh no, my parents don’t approve”

Boy: “Well I’ll keep loving you no matter what. Did I mention that I love you now? Well I do”

Girl: “Oh my god I love you too and I love God”

Boy: “Loving you is starting to make me love God too”

Girl: “Oh no, something awful has just happened that has torn us apart”

Boy: “I better think of a grand gesture that will win you back. Something to do with something you told me in our first conversation”

Girl: “I can’t stop thinking about that boy I’m not suppose to love”

Local pastor who is also the girl’s father: “Follow your heart and the word of the Lord”

Boy: “I want you back, here are some dance shoes to show you how much I love you”

Girl: “I want you back because I love you more deeply than anyone else has in any other film”

Boy: “Finally I am happy”

Girl: “Let’s pray together”

Boy: “Oh wait, I forgot to tell you, I’m dying”

Girl: “Oh no!”

Boy: “I am dead now but I still love you and am in heaven because of the hasty baptism before my death”

Girl: “I have learnt so much. I am going to look into the distance as the credits go up and let the audience have a nice cry in the dark”

Things that people tell us not to be scared of but are in fact very scary

1) Blackholes (like in space and stuff)

2) The removal of ‘Friends’ from evening TV forever

3) Food poisoning

4) Bed bugs

5) The price of shampoo growing so much that you have to choose between it and conditioner

6) Electrocution from a toaster

7) North Korea

8) Child birth

9) A rebirth of the plague

10) That we might arrive at a day when all the jokes have been told and there are none left to tell for the rest of eternity

11) Chewing a pen and then not knowing if you have ink on your face until you find a mirror hours later

12) Hunger

13) McFly continuing making music for so long that it becomes impossible to catch up since the last CD you bought had ‘It’s all about you’ on it.

14) Never being able to afford a Hello Kitty house phone when you move out.

15) The whole internet crashing and no one finding out what happened for weeks because there is no internet to tell us that it has crashed.

16) Starting a 1000 piece jigsaw for fun and then realising you literally can’t get up until it is done, four days later.