The December issue of American Parenting magazine presents theAmerican Parent's Pledge, which it asks all of its readers to sign, stick on their fridge, post online, and notify their neighbors and relatives about, so that the next generation might be instilled with the principles of character that made the country great:




To keep my children healthy, alive, and on the straight and narrow, I (insert your name) pledge to make the following important promises a priority:


1: I will not let my children smoke or drink or take drugs until they're no longer my responsibility.

2: I will always wash my hands after touching my children.

3: I will teach my child CPR.

4: I will play outdoors with my kids every day, whether that means sunshine, snow, or rain, in the backyard, on the rooftop, or on the road. All kids need fresh air and a bit of excitement in their lives. 

5: I shall ensure that my kids never need glasses, so that they don't get picked on at school.

6: I shall teach my child respect for guns and for those who point guns at them.

7: I shall serve my children meat at every meal to ensure they become true-blooded Americans. To maintain dietary balance, I shall teach them to recognize vegetables in case they see them in books or accidentally visit abroad.

8: We will practice evacuating the house at least twice a day and make sure that all the children, of whatever age, know how to use a fire extinguisher and a flame-retardant mat, and how to tell the difference between an incendiary fire and an electrical fire.

9: No cartoons, Sesame Street, or Nickelodeon until they've watched the news and I've watched Judge Judy.

10. I pledge never to lie to my children just to make my life easier. I shall explain about the nonexistence of Santa, fairies, and Harry Potter and point out that dinosaurs disappeared millions of years ago. It's better for them in the long run.

11: I shall keep my child hydrated and fed and clothed.

12: I promise never to wash out my child's mouth with soap nor to beat him with anything thicker than a garden cane.

13: I shall ensure that my child's tiny brain is protected at all times with a helmet: In the back seat of the car, on her skateboard, in the bath, skydiving, in her high chair, on the potty. You can never be too safe. I shall be the proudest mother alive if her first word is "helmet."

14: I will not yield to pressure and give my child a pet until she is of an age to fully comprehend the extensive obligations and responsibilities that ownership of another of God's creatures entails.

15: I promise not to spoil my child. Toothpicks, safety pins, matches, and glue are all a child needs for a rainy day's fun.

16: I shall ensure that my child has a healthy fear of strangers, foreigners, the outside world, and Satan.

17: I shall ensure that my children get a full night's sleep and that I have time to de-stress. Mommy's medicine cabinet will never be without hot milk, Benylin, brandy, chocolates, and rampant rabbit.

18: I shall love my child unconditionally and teach it the importance of paying its way in life by doing chores, getting a part-time job, cleaning the bath and toilet, chopping wood and so on. Life is not one long holiday and the sooner it learns this truth the better.

19: Candy will be reserved for those occasions when he deserves it.

20. This mighty country was made great by self-sufficiency, self-reliance, and self-education. I promise to ensure that my child acquires all three.


Signed




on this day of Our Lord
__/12/2009