The Top 30 Apps for the iPhone for the week ending October 17th, 2009:


1: Ubisim: A GPS app that locates the nearest monkey.

2: Fangora: Start times and release dates of all vampire-related TV shows, films, books, and church deconsecrations.

3: JisSum: Popular sperm count app. Just knock one out over the touchscreen.

4: Speciiii: Lost or broken your glasses? Enter the speckifications and dimensions into this app and place your phone on the bridge of your nose.

5: Tishoo: The latest swine flu stats and details of movements of recent victims, not that you ever have human contact now you've got an iPhone.

6: NutTeller: Indispensable journey planner that takes into account the movements of local weirdos so you don't have to cross the road or get on the wrong bus.

7: Gaydoh: Have all the homophobic jokes from the Simpsons ready to hand.

8: CuntBusters: Details of the venues, dates, and times of all showings of movies featuring Phil Collins, so you can avoid them.

9: MapMap: Provides directions to the nearest town centre map. Map included.

10: Arseolé: Tells you the current whereabouts of all of Arsenal's current and former players born in Spain.

11: Arseole: Tells you the current whereabouts of Emanuel Adebayor.

12: Bunkum: Details of backstreet bakeries that offer eclairs and handjobs.

13: BodyCount: Enables you to use your iPhone as a rectal thermometer.

14: Podcast: Gives off a high-pitched scream when hoodies lob your iPhone into the canal.

15: Sticky: Pictures of twigs.

16: Crossword: Invent new swearwords for any occasion, you ferominal spuntjucker.

17: BlackFace: Organizes your Facebook friends in ascending order of skin pigmentation.

18: URule: Turns your iPhone into a 4½-inch ruler.

19: Cappit: A virtual lens cap app for your iPhone's camera. Don't forget to remove it before taking any photos.

20: Kartoonize: Turn your life into a caricaturish parody of the real thing just by using your iPhone all day.

21: Doctor Where: Regular updates of the location of abortion providers. A boon to pro-life activists.

22: Status Quo: A GPS-based app that tells you precisely where you are without enabling you to get anywhere else.

23: Bomballurina: Updates on the latest attempts on the life of Timmy Mallett.

24: Momus: Set it when you go to bed, this alarm app will go off at random intervals during the night and tell you how long you've been asleep.

25: Hot Stuff: Overheats your iPhone so you can use it to keep your hands warm in cold weather.

26: Wanted: Turns your iPhone into a 4½-inch-long black strip that you can place across your eyes to avoid being recognized on CCTV cameras.

27: Scofflaw: Updates on any forthcoming funerals of individuals employed in the legal profession.

28: Ghost: Hide your iPhone in your kids' bedroom and it will emit eerie whispers and the occasional moan during the night. Upgrade promises to knock over lamps.

29: Hangman: Directory of state executioners (Tehran only).

30: YELP: Locates the nearest copy of the Yellow Pages.

Written by :

Khmer Rouge Strippergram