Gig listings

Bored at the weekend or even sometimes during the week check out whats going on in the Dublin comedy scene

Forum

Introduce yoursef to the world, promote yourself, a third thing!

Podcasts

Irelands first real Renaissance men

Forget Sir Walter Raleg these are Ireland's first real renaissance men

Things Israel cannot confirm nor deny responsibility for

Blogs | Funny how

Written by Declan Brennan on Monday, 01 March 2010 14:16

$C:\Users\Dec\Desktop\steve-o-thumbs1.jpg$

Israel “can neither confirm nor deny involvement”

The well documented case in the media of the murder of a commander of the Palestinian Liberation group Hamas has cast the spotlight of attention on the Israeli intelligence service Mossad. Israel has a policy of neither confirming nor denying its involvement in such events. Through my amazing investigative skills my high level government contacts world-wide I can now bring to you a comprehensive list of things that the Israeli government was and was not involved in.

Archie Mitchell:

The Israeli government is responsible for murdering fictional character Archie Mitchell

Crop Circles:

The Israeli Government is not responsible for crop circles.

Atlantis:

The lost city of Atlantis was not sunk by Israel. This was entirely the work of mole people in retribution for the mayor of Atlantis imposing a travel tax on the mole people.

Introducing Michael Bay to clichés

The Israeli government are not the ones who introduced Michael Bay to special effects. The director of Transformers and Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen has been known to be fond of explosions and attractive women in revealing clothing. The Israeli government are clearly not fond of urban explosions so therefore they can be ruled out as the reason that this poor man’s James Cameron keeps getting work. (Transformers 3 is released in July 2011 and Megan Fox is scheduled to reprise her role)

The ball in the English net

Contrary to popular belief it was Israel and NOT Ray Houghton that put the ball in the English net in the 1988 European championships. The above photograph shows a Mossad agent, cleverly disguised as Ray Houghton powering the ball past the England defence. My sources could not confirm any solid reason why Israel would have interfered in a football match between Ireland and England though they did suggest that Israel rigged the match so that the song “Joxer goes to Stuttgart” by Christy Moore would be written and fans of the Irish team would have something to drunkenly sing during international football tournaments.

Dickheads on the Bus:

Every scumbag who forces the whole bus to listen to Rihanna and Tiesto through the tinny speakers on their overpriced phone is an Israeli agent. Their purpose is to annoy you so much that you cannot focus on all the horrible things that Israel are doing to the people of Palestine.

“The Recession”

Israel is responsible, not so much for the economic recession but for people who keep going on about it at every possible point.

Michael O’Leary

The face of Ryanair turns stomachs with his shameless but effective publicity stunts. With pictures like this it begs the question, what good is millions of Euro if you have to sacrifice all dignity to get it. Unfortunately, he is Irish. Israel is not responsible for Michael O’Leary....not even Israel could be that big of a dick.

Dec.

(Funny how is now on Facebook)

Written by :